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an obligatory hamilton polycule chatfic

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the polycule™

lalalaurens: WHO TURNED MY AUTOCORRECT ON

hamsandwich: :)

lalalaurens: WHY

hamsandwich: your texting is illegible

lalalaurens: :(

lafayes: i agree with short man

hamsandwich: HEY

hunkules: GLKHJFLHJFKG

hamsandwich: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT

hamsandwich: more importantly, WHY UNPROVOKED??

lafayes sent an image.

lafayes: a man who cannot reach top shelf and ask hercules to help

hamsandwich: WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT TAKING SNEAK PICTURES

lafayes: practice ;)

lalalaurens: Wait wait hold the fucking phone

lalalaurens: Herb are those abs?

lalalaurens: :/ Herc*

hunkules: they most certainly are

hamsandwich: not*

hunkules: >:/ you don't know what goes on under my shirt

hamsandwich: is that a challenge?

hunkules: WAIT NO I TAKE IT BACK

hamsandwich sent an image.

hamsandwich sent an image.

hunkules: ALEXLFGKHLF STOP

hamsandwich sent an image.

hunkules: OKAY THAT'S IT

lalalaurens: Is that Alex screaming??

lalalaurens: Jesus Christ it even autocorrects names

lalalaurens: Alex doesn't deserve capitalization

lafayes sent a video.

lalalaurens: Lamb

lalalaurens: Huh

lalalaurens: Lamb*

lalalaurens: Lamb*

lalalaurens: L-M-A-O*

hamsandwich: LAF WHY

hamsandwich: YOU MAKE ME SUFFER AND THEN FILM IT FOR JOHN TO SEE

hamsandwich: WOE

lalalaurens: What even was that

lafayes: hercules placed a

lafayes: ummm.....

lafayes: anglais...

lalalaurens: He placed an English??

lafayes: >:/

lafayes: une... cold water. but it is hard

hunkules: ice cube

hunkules: down his shirt

hamsandwich: SUFFER

hunkules: I'm actually a little concerned the neighbors are gonna call the cops

hunkules: that was a lot of screaming at 8 in the morning

lafayes: over-react

hamsandwich: NO

hamsandwich: that ice cube was FUCKING COLD

hamsandwich: thank you, herc, for getting the rim of my fucking boxers wet too!!!

hamsandwich: i didn't bring a spare :(

hunkules: ;3

lalalaurens: What is even happening down there

lafayes: you are still in bed?

lafayes: we are having breakfast before hercules leaves

lafayes: well. we are try to.

lalalaurens: No I'm on my way down

 

burrger --> hamsandwich:

burrger: Good morning. I noticed you are absent from your bed and I wanted to reach out and see if you were alright or needed some assistance.

burrger: So... Are you alright?

hamsandwich: why do you always have to text me like you're writing an email

hamsandwich: talk in lowercase, make a run-on sentence, use a fucking emoticon for christ's sake

hamsandwich: but don't come in my dms if you're gonna use Professional Speak on the weekend

burrger: I will take that as a yes.

burrger: Is there a particular reason why you are missing this morning? You don't have class until tomorrow.

burrger: Did you take your studying to the library this morning?

hamsandwich: sorry i didn't realize we were doing role call for the two (2) people in our dorm

burrger: We aren't.

burrger: I was simply concerned that you may be taking your studying too seriously again and pulled an all-nighter to study in the library.

burrger: I would be worried if you passed out at a desk in one of the study rooms.

hamsandwich: that only happened one time.

burrger: Yes, but it could happen again.

hamsandwich: then it would be my problem, not yours.

hamsandwich: mind your fucking business.

burrger: I'm only asking out of concern.

burrger: I am your friend, after all. We have to look out for each other.

burrger: Hello?

 

the polycule™

hamsandwich: UGH

hamsandwich: WE NEED TO GET OUR OWN PLACE

hunkules: what happened?

hamsandwich sent an image.

hamsandwich: BURR HAPPENED

lalalaurens: Waif

lalalaurens: UGH someone PLEASE fix my phone

lalalaurens: W-T-F*

hunkules: that picture better be clean, I just got to work

hunkules: and I'd rather not show my manager more than she bargained for

lalalaurens: @hunkules, no you're good

hunkules: thanks

hunkules: HUH WHAT THE FUCK IS BURR'S PROBLEM

hamsandwich: I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!

lafayes: i do not understand? he is asking for your well-being?

hamsandwich: it's just that he keeps trying to get on my dick about EVERYTHING. ever since we met, it's been "alex don't do this! alex don't do that! blah blah blah i'm so much more responsible than you!"

hamsandwich: it's fucking infuriating!!

lalalaurens: Yeah that's messed up

hunkules: damn what the hell man

hunkules: he used to be cool

lalalaurens: Well...

lafayes: how you say?

lafayes: no he didn't.

hunkules: true LKGHLFGH

lalalaurens: LMAO

lalalaurens: Oh pod it worked that time

lalalaurens: :/ P-O-G*

hamsandwich: guys i'm serious. we need a place of our own.

hunkules: about that.

hunkules: I've been looking for some places and I gotta say. it's not looking good.

hamsandwich: what do you mean

hunkules: well.

hunkules sent an image.

hamsandwich: WHAT THE FUCK

lalalaurens: Holy shit

lafayes: ???????

lafayes: this is the price for a house?!!!

hunkules: yeah. idk if we could afford a place rn even if we wanted to

lalalaurens: Why is it so expensive???

hamsandwich: capitalism and shitty landlords.

hunkules: ^

lafayes: see! i tell you france is better. but no! you do not believe me

hunkules: but? you came to america before we even met you? that was your choice

hamsandwich: you came to america before i did.

lafayes: oui and i may have made a Mistake

hamsandwich: ugh

hamsandwich: so i guess i'm stuck with burr.

hunkules: you could probably move in with us

hunkules: our bed is small but we could make it work

hunkules: or there's the couch

hamsandwich: really? you'd let me move in with you guys?

hunkules: yeah man! if it's alright with laf, I mean

hunkules: @lafayes?

lafayes: this is fine with me

lalalaurens: We still gotta keep an eye out for a bigger place for all of us though

hunkules: if we move some furniture around, we might be able to squeeze you in too @lalalaurens

lalalaurens: Thanks man but it's alright! I'm cool staying with my dad right now

lalalaurens: But I think Alex might commit a murder on Burr soon if we don't get him out of there

hamsandwich: a burrder

 

hunkules --> lafayes

hunkules: holy fuck oh my god dude I just realized

lafayes: you forget your lunch?

hunkules: what no

hunkules: the discussion in the group chat

lafayes: oui? what about?

hunkules: I didn't even ask you ahead of time if it was alright for alex to move in

hunkules: I just offered without asking you first

lafayes: oh

lafayes: alexander living here is not worrying to me, there is no need to worry

hunkules: still, I should have asked first. I'm sorry

lafayes: oui maybe

lafayes: but this is alright!

lafayes: i am not mad :)

hunkules: are you sure?? you better not just be saying that

lafayes: do you see my smile face? :) :) :)

lafayes: i am sure

hunkules: that's not as reassuring as you think it is

lafayes: >:(

hunkules: ok now you're mad

lafayes: hercules. it will be nice for alex to live here

hunkules: oh right! he could keep you company during the day without having to drive all that way

lafayes: oui

lafayes: and at night too ;)

hunkules: I'M AT WORK OH MY GODKGJKHK

hunkules: how do you even know what that means

lafayes: i am dating 3 men

lafayes: 2 of these men are alex and john

hunkules: that's. fair actually

hunkules: shit I gotta get back to work before my manager yells at me

hunkules: iloveyousomuchgottagobye!!!

lafayes: <3

 

burrger --> jefferoni

burrger: Good morning, Thomas.

jefferoni: is there a reason why you're texting me

burrger: There is.

jefferoni: skip the pleasantries and get on with it then

burrger: Very well.

burrger: It's about Hamilton.

jefferoni: goodbye

burrger: You aren't going to hear me out?

jefferoni: it is sunday.

jefferoni: i am about to meet up with my boyfriend.

jefferoni: you are wasting my time.

jefferoni: get on with whatever bullshit you're going to say or get out of my dms

burrger: Rude.

burrger: Ahem. I wanted to ask you about Alexander's performance in the law class you share. More importantly, I believe you both have a midterm tomorrow morning, if I am not mistaken. I am curious to know: do you believe he will have difficulty with it? If so, what areas do you think he may need improvement with?

jefferoni: oh my fucking god.

 

jefferoni --> hamsandwich

jefferoni sent an image.

jefferoni: get your boyfriend out of my dms.

hamsandwich: do not EVER say that to me again

 

the polycule™

hamsandwich sent an image.

hamsandwich: I AM GOING TO COMMIT A BURRDER